Jacob, why do you complain?
Israel, why do you say,
“My way is hidden from the Lord,
and my rights are ignored by my God”?
Don’t you know?
Haven’t you heard?
The eternal God, the Lord, the Creator of the ends of the earth,
doesn’t grow tired or become weary.
His understanding is beyond reach.
He gives strength to those who grow tired
and increases the strength of those who are weak.
Even young people grow tired and become weary,
and young men will stumble and fall.
Yet, the strength of those who wait with hope in the Lord
will be renewed.
They will soar on wings like eagles.
They will run and won’t become weary.
They will walk and won’t grow tired.
Isaiah 40:27 - 31
I want to cling to these promises this morning but I'm barely hanging on. Today is a day where in all honesty I just want to give up. I want to throw in the towel, curl up in bed and not even try. It's true. The self pity and the doubt are closing in and I just want to give in. I want to believe all the lies that Satan is feeding me because they're much easier to believe than the Truth that is found in these scriptures.
Why is this a good thing? Why is being home going on 5 days good? Why is this part of His plan? The answers to these questions elude me. But the promises above I know to be true to the depth of my soul. He is good. His plan is good. He loves me with an everlasting love. A love that I can never hope to fathom. I am not alone. He is always with me. I have never and will never walk through this life alone.
Sometimes I just have to say the words, even if my heart is lagging behind in belief at the time. It's frustrating to find myself here. Here in this struggle of living out what I say I believe. It's so discouraging when I'm faced with life and I come up short on faith. When I find myself here, I think of how disappointed the Lord must be with me. Wondering why, after all this time is His child still struggling.
But the more I read scripture the more I see people just like me. Falling and failing, then coming back to the Lord and starting the process all over again. Abraham, David, Saul/Paul. These great men of the Bible, who I always picture as having perfect faith and such strong spiritual journey's, they made mistakes. They failed, they lied, they murdered, they committed adultery, they sinned, just like every other person on the planet. But they had faith, great faith in the midst of the muck and grime of the sins in this life.
I want this. This great faith. This faith that gives it all to the Lord and says, "I don't have it all together, I don't know why life is the way it is, but I trust You to handle it. And when I don't, and I try and live life on my own, I'll come back with a broken heart all for You." Because it's true, all of it.
Lord Jesus, You know my heart. You know my struggles, my hurts, my joys and my fears. Thank You for taking me just as I am, broken and battered, yet strong in the light of Your abundant grace. This body is weak, and yet You made it in Your image. I truly do not understand, but I cling to the promise that You're not through with me yet. Strengthen this physical body in Your own way and Your own time. Please grant me patience as I struggle in the waiting. Build my faith Father. You told the disciples to ask for more faith, so here I am, may You increase my faith. Thank You that You always leave a remnant of hope. You are good and I will cling to You and Your promises with all of my heart no matter what may come.
If You Want Me To
by Ginny Owens